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2014 over and still single? Shall we Blame it on Jane Austen?

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The year is over now and disappointments run deep for many singles who had hoped for the ring and trust social media the jokes are out. One such was a broadcast message which read: “Shout out to all the ladies who left their boyfriend because the new guy promised to marry them in 2014…you have 3 Saturdays left ooo!” The feature image is also one I saw recently and which in some ways inspired this post.

I am not married but I am at that age where friends and family are beginning to get concerned and raise prayer points (lol). Which is another thing about being single, everyone takes it upon themselves to ‘sort you out’, some with prayers, while some take the more proactive step of matchmaking, others still will offer unsolicited advice on how to get a man or woman of your dreams. Whilst some might mean well (at least to the best of their understanding of the word well), I often wonder if they have ever considered the possibility of a single person actually being happy and content with their status.

Quite frankly I blame people like Jane Austen, after all it was she who said “IT is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife”. We don’y actually need Jane, this ‘truth’ has been stated in many forms over the years and across cultures. If you are single, I bet if you had a naira for every time you heard lines like ‘what are you waiting for, you have gone to school, you have a good job, ki lo tu ku (what is left)? you probably would be a millionaire and a married one at that.(lol)

Somehow society tells us that a woman/man who is single, must be in waiting, devoting all their time and energy towards being delivered from the curse of being single. Now, whilst this might be the case for some, it really ought not to be and it makes me quite sad to think that any woman/man should find his/her life incomplete simply because she isn’t married.

Recently I attended a Christian conference and seeing as there was a session for singles me and my friends decided to attend and it honestly felt like a breadth of fresh air. There was no talk about how to find a man or woman, no prayer points about finding the bone of your bone, no mention about ancestral curses being responsible for your being single. No sowing of seed in order to ‘tap into the anointing’ of marriage (which bible do these people even read!), no word of prophesy stating that 10 people who attended the event would come back next year with their spouses. No, there was none of that rubbish talk which seems to have infiltrated many churches today and which just makes my tummy turn.

But then again who do you blame? The deceiver or the deceived? Personally my focus is on the deceived, I leave the deceiver to God, He is sure watching them in 4D. The deceived would not be so deceived if they took time out to read the good book rather than attending meeting after meeting in search of what is not lost. Speaking of meetings, I saw a poster a while back which just shows the extent some will go in the name of marriage. Quite frankly if you will be willing to go as far as wishing a person dead then not only do you deserve to remain unmarried, you also deserve to be deceived and much more. What ever happened to loving our enemies? I guess this is marriage we are talking about, by hook or by crook is the way or should I say by fire by force?

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So back to the point why was this meeting a breadth of fresh air? if there was none of the rubbish I just listed, what was said? The summary of it all was that singleness is a gift, the single period is a time where God has our undivided attention and a time which, if used wisely,will see you achieve great things for God, yourself and humanity.

I have often said the subject of marriage is one area where we choose not to listen so much to the bible. Fr instance when last did you hear the words  of 1 Corinthians 7:27( If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage. If you do not have a wife, do not seek to get married) in your singles meeting. Or at the last singles breakthrough vigil did they talk about the challenges of married life and how we ought to prepare for it because marriage too comes with it’s warning labels. As Paul put it “…those who marry will face many troubles in this life and I want to spare you this.”

On the flip side, because life is all about balance, there are lots of good things about being married (at least so I’ve been told) and though I cannot give personal account I choose to believe all those FB posts I see on wedding anniversaries; when I cross that bridge ill let you know what the grass looks like on the other side 🙂

For now my advice to you if you are single is simple,

1) Enjoy yourself and don’t apologise for it – Spend quality time with friends, laugh a lot and have fun.If you are someone who enjoys travelling, now is the time to travel the world and see places.

2) Grow and Develop yourself – Now is the time to register for that course, put in the extra work required to climb up that corporate ladder, start that business or write that book. Stretch yourself, dream big and put in the work required to make those dreams come true.

3) Give yourself without reserve – Now is the time to give your gifts and talents to the service of God and humanity. Be there for people, give a listening ear, give to those in need around you, give to charitable organisations.

Make this your focus and goal in 2015, who knows Mr/Mrs right might just be on that flight to South-Africa or in that motherless babies home you visit, btw this ain’t no prophesy..(lol)

Have a happy new year people…

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This entry was posted on December 29, 2014 by in Marriage, Musings, Relationships.
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